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May 12th, 2015

A fresh start?

I think we become too focused on picking a certain day or time to begin again. We wait until the next Monday to start a diet or after this or that happens before we can really "get serious" about beginning a new change. Isn't every day a new start? Each day is a clean slate where we can make better choices than we did the day before. Even if we have been working on a change for 10 years, what you did yesterday is over and gone. What matters is the choices you make every moment of every day now. You will still have consequences to deal with from past decisions but you don't have to let your past mistakes derail you from the changes you want to make today.

Today I am starting weight watchers. I've tried it before but didn't really put my heart into it. I wasn't fully honest about my point tracking and of course quit quickly as soon as my friend stopped going. This time (many) years later after lots of failed attempts with other programs and diets, I'm starting again. My goal is to make a life change instead of going on a diet. I'm looking forward to the weekly weigh-ins and the accountability it will provide. I'm seeking to be the tortoise with a slow and steady mentality. I won't hit my goal weight overnight or even within a year but I will keep pushing forward. My goal is to continually see a smaller number each Monday night on the scale. Exercise will be a big part of that. :)

In addition to that change, I have already been working on my life financially which has gone fairly well up until about a month ago. Then I hit a snag and became discouraged. Within this area as well as all areas of my life, I need to work on discipline and basing my decisions on what I know/believe to be true instead of on my feelings.

The Girlfriends in God devotional inspired me this morning. Here is a tidbit that I want to share.

Pray when loneliness, laziness, or depression takes up residence in your heart. Pray when you are tempted to anesthetize with food, wine, exercise, shopping, or pain pills. Pray when the arms of that man seem more attractive than the purity you are called to in Christ. Pray when your doubts seem stronger than your faith.

Press through barriers in the strength and grace of Jesus. His plan is good. His faithfulness is unwavering. His presence is accessible 24/7. Move in His direction and give Him the burdens of your heart. Pray. Believe. Trust.

"Do you not know? Have you not heard? The Lord is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth. He will not grow tired or weary, and his understanding no one can fathom. He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak. Even youths grow tired and weary, and young men stumble and fall; but those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint."

~Isaiah 40:28-31~

December 25th, 2012

Not so Christmas

There is snow on the ground, beautiful decorations and lights everywhere, big dinners being planned and people wishing Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays to each other but yet it still doesn't feel like Christmas. I've decorated, bought and wrapped gifts, baked, decorated gingerbread houses and trains but yet it still doesn't feel like Christmas. I don't know why this year is so different from the rest. Christmas is about Jesus' birth and His great love for us that He would choose to come down and live with us so He could die for our sins on the cross. Why is today not feel special? Why does today not feel like a celebration? I so badly want to be as excited and happy about this holiday but it doesn't seem to be happening. Maybe it's the lack of having a spouse to share it with or just maybe it's because this year has been extremely hard losing 2 childhood friends and everything else that has gone wrong this year.

One thing I'm sure of is that God is awesome and He has everything under control. I don't know why all of this is happening or what the plan is but God works everything together for good and He knows what is in store for my future. I just have to trust in Him.

Thank you Jesus for coming to this broken world and dying on the cross for my sins. I don't have anything that I can bring you except for my heart. Lord, I want you to have my heart, soul, mind, dreams and everything that is within me.

Happy Birthday Jesus and Merry Crhistmas.

October 1st, 2011

How do you plan life?

I've been doing a lot of thinking lately. How can you say that what's right for others will be what is right for you. Growing up it seemed the standard that you graduated high school, went to college, found the love of your life and then got married. After that you got a house and started a family. But what if that doesn't happen? What if you don't go to college or get married by the age of 24? Do you fall into the unknown? Will you ever get married? I'm not sure. I'm not sure how to plan life. There are certain things that I would love to have like a house and a husband to love. I'm not sure if that will ever happen for me but I can get a house and hopefully have some adventures I would have never had if I got married right out of high school or college. I still have thngs to see and places to go. Maybe not getting married is the best thing for me. All I know is that God has it all planned out for me. I just need to go with it.

May 23rd, 2011

There comes a time...

There comes a time in life when you look around and realize that what you thought was so important really dosen't matter that much and the things you have been taking for granted are the nearest and dearest to your heart.

There comes a time in life when you realize you want something more than what you have allowed yourself to settle for.

There comes a time in life when you find that your mom has become more of a best friend than a mother. But that is not saying you don't still need your mommy from time to time.

There comes a time in life when you stop playing and start building the life you want.

There comes a time in life when you realize the value of balance and discipline.

There comes a time in life when you realize you deserve better than how you've allowed yourself to be treated and used.

There comes a time in life when you start respecting yourself.

There comes a time in life when you really start going after the things you want the most.

There comes a time in life when you realize that the best things in life aren't things.

There comes a time in life... And I hope I can recognize it before its too late...

March 21st, 2011

And so again it begins...

Today is a new day. It doesn't matter what happened yesterday or even last week. Today is a new beginning. Each day is a gift. How will I choose to use it?

For so long, I've settled. Everything is good enough. I never really strived for anything and to be honest I usually take the easiest route. I need to change that. So today I have decided that I again need to start back again on my weight loss journey. I have lost and gained and lost and gained more. But that yo yo needs to stop now. I've got too much going for me to be held back by my weight. Yes I have friends that love me just the way I am and I know that I'm beautiful but there is so much that I would like to do but don't because I'm always cautious about my weight.

I would ultimately I would like to get down to 140 or 150 pounds. That requires me losing about 150 ish pounds. That amount of weight is going to be hard to lose but its harder to live with keeping that weight on. I have to keep reminding myself of that because when I gets really hard and frustrating I just give up but I can't do that this time. Its really now or never. If I don't get this weight off, I can only imagine the health problems that will be in store for me down the road.

When I lose the weight I will be able to be more active without getting tired out quickly or sweating like a hog like I do now. I will be able to keep up with my neice and nephews. I will be able to buy clothes I like and not have to worry about which ones show less of my rolls. I won't have to worry about weight limits on rides or anything.

Life without this extra weight will have endless possibilities! I just have to get there. And I know I can. It will just take a little bit of time. I could easily lose 100 pounds in 1 year. That is not even 10 pounds a month. I just have to stick with it even when I don't want too.

I'm tired of letting my emotions control my life. I need to be in control!

So, in conclusion, today is a new day. Today is the start of a journey that will change my life. I can't wait to see where it takes me!


February 4th, 2011

A Place to Belong...

There are some days in which for no apparent reason I feel like I don't belong. Today is one of those days. I'm not quite sure what brought on this feeling of loneliness and alienation but whatever it is I really wish it would just go away. I know there are people that love me and want me around. I just can't help feeling left out and like I don't belong.

What is it that makes one feel like they truly belong anyway? I wish I knew. Kind of downhearted today. Trying too just count my blessings and be thankful.

January 31st, 2011

What do you do?

What do you do when you meet someone that takes you totally by suprise? Someone that is way different than anyone else you have ever met? When they don't fit anything you thought you wanted by there is something about them that you can't stop thinking about?

Its times like these that I wish I had a how to book for life. Something that would tell me how to tackle these uncharted waters. I guess I just need to go on the things I know. I like spending time with him. I want to get to know him more. I have fun when I'm with him.

I guess for now that has to be enough...

January 18th, 2011

Ugh... This week has started off horribly and going downhill from there. I've prayed and prayed about it but I feel that I'm suppose to stay at my current job until I get my last bit of debt payed off then I can figure out something else to do since I can put more away into savings and won't be tied down by bills. But I'm so not liking my job at all right now. I haven't gotten a raise in at least 3 years, they keep piling on more and more tasks and I'm expected to do everything. Its really frustrating and it exasperates the smaller issues that I could deal with before but now they are getting to be a big issue. I'm so sick of staying in the same place and do the same mundane things all the time, but don't really know what else to do. Its so frustrating. :(

January 12th, 2011

Spilled Milk

This past weekend I went to a retreat that blew my mind. I realized things about God, my relationship with Him and things about myself that I had never considered or thought of before. I was reminded this morning about one of the things I had learned. In Friday night's lesson there was an example given that really stuck with me...

There is a guy standing with a glass of milk. Another guy accidently bumps into the guy holding the milk and milk spills all over the floor. Question: Why is there milk on the floor?

In my head I immediately answered, "well because someone bumped into the guy holding it". Incorrect answer. The answer is because there was milk in the glass. When I react badly to things its not because of what triggered that, its because of what's inside. I can blame a lot of my bad reactions on people, situations or other things but in all reality I control how I react.

So what reminded me of this lesson this morning? A plow truck that decided to back up but I couldn't pass him since cars were coming the other way. He didn't realize why I was waiting and got frustrated and backed up really fast almost hitting my car and the truck behind me. That got me really upset because he couldn't just wait 10 more seconds for the last car to pass so I could go out and around. I could of complained about this all day and let it ruin my day but about 1 min after it happened, God reminded me of this lesson and so I decided not to let it ruin my day and asked for forgiveness for how I immediately reacted.

January 11th, 2011

When will it be my turn?

There are days when I wonder, "when will it be my turn? When will I find the guy of my dreams?" Its so hard sometimes to be thankful for being single or even enjoy being single. There are days when it pains me that I'm still alone. The fear of being alone forever comes and goes. Being hopeful and optimistic isn't always easy, but I have a God that is bigger than my fears. I have a God that is so awesome and mighty and He cares about me. He cares about my hopes, dreams, desires and struggles. My God has a plan for me and knows what is best. His timing is always best. God will take away all my fears if I simply trust and believe in Him. I don't know what He has in store for me but if I trust and follow Him then He will lead me through. His plan is not to harm me but to give me a hope and a future. God is so good to me and loves me with an unconditional love. Regardless of how many times I fail, and I have failed epically sometimes, but He still loves me so much. God is bigger than any struggle that I come up against. Sometimes fear and doubt make me forget how great my God is and in my eyes, God shrinks, but that is definitely not so. God is bigger than anything I can imagine and He is watching out for me. Who am I that He loves me so much? I'm very thankful for a God that loves me and cares for me. It is very humbling to think that someone loves me that much and that He will never leave me.

Thank you Lord!

Jeremiah 29:11 "For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord. Plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future."
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